Go Joe Bruin
Fansided

LaVar Ball Fatigue Syndrome: It’s Not Just for UCLA Basketball Fans

By Nathan Eberhardt

Mar 4, 2017; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Lavar Ball embraces his son UCLA Bruins guard Lonzo Ball (2) after the game against the Washington State Cougars at Pauley Pavilion. Mandatory Credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports
Mar 4, 2017; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Lavar Ball embraces his son UCLA Bruins guard Lonzo Ball (2) after the game against the Washington State Cougars at Pauley Pavilion. Mandatory Credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports /
facebooktwitterreddit
Prev
2 of 2
Next
Mar 4, 2017; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Lavar Ball embraces his son UCLA Bruins guard Lonzo Ball (2) after the game against the Washington State Cougars at Pauley Pavilion. Mandatory Credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports
Mar 4, 2017; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Lavar Ball embraces his son UCLA Bruins guard Lonzo Ball (2) after the game against the Washington State Cougars at Pauley Pavilion. Mandatory Credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports /

Conzerntro LL

A milder alternative to Altequis, Conzerntro LL interacts with receptors for empathy rather than anxiety and disgust, directing the user’s negative LBF reaction towards feelings of concern for the Ball brothers, for the UCLA basketball program, and for those potentially impacted by less scrupulous imitators of LaVar Ball in the future.

Users find themselves sympathetic with LaVar Ball and his support for his sons but wondering if his is the wisest, most prudent course. The primary benefit of Conzerntro LL is that it allows users a softer, more self-satisfactory sense of purpose than that given by Altequis.

Potential Side Effects: Cloying self-righteousness; Condescension; Insufferable patronization

Recommended for: Nervous UCLA fans; Loudmouth commentators who have outlived their shtick

Not Recommended for: White, yuppie, Medill-grad journalists

Blyvia

Blyvia is an extreme measure that takes a different approach from either the Imbrasit or the Altequis/Conzerntro LL models. Instead of fine-tuning various receptors to channel the user’s reaction to LBF stimuli, Blyvia instead shuts down all receptors and renders them non-reactive to LBF stimuli.

Users reported normal engagement levels in college basketball, a fulfilling fan experience, but utter bewilderment at the mention of LaVar Ball or his media antics.

Potential Side Effects: Inability to participate in certain trending topics within sports

Recommended for: NCAA Investigators

Not Recommended for: Ball family members and friends

Next: A Mini-Look at UCLA's Mini-Bracket

Nunn-Yeoh-Damh Beeswax

As an alternative or potential complement to the above prescription options, LBF patients should ask their doctors about NYD Beeswax treatment. Developed by three pharmacists from the US and Asia, this is a holistic, over-the-counter treatment that can be applied topically to the eyes and ears whenever LBF sufferers anticipate encountering stories about or remarks from LaVar Ball. Users report second thoughts when about to opine on LaVar Ball, and increasing instances of reminding themselves, ‘You don’t have to care about this. This isn’t actually about you.’

Potential Side Effects: Apathy; Hot take deficiency; Outbreaks of pimples in applied areas

Recommended for: All media, fans, officials, and opposing coaches and players

Not Recommended for: UCLA staff and players; the Ball family