The UCLA Football All-Name Team: Which Bruins have All-Star names?

PROVO, UT - SEPTEMBER 17: Adarius Pickett
PROVO, UT - SEPTEMBER 17: Adarius Pickett /

The UCLA Football team is loaded with several talented players, but they are also loaded with several players that have some unique and down-right cool names.

Several UCLA Football players were recently named in Bleacher Report’s piece, The Best Names in College Football in 2017. And why not? UCLA has a plethora of players that have some sweet names.

But with BR only touching on a handful of Bruins, I took it upon myself to recognize several more players that have some of the best names in college football. Not that we want to leave out anyone, but these players have names that jump out at you.

With that, I bring you the 2017 UCLA Football All-Name Team. Enjoy.

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QB: Devon Modster

His name is just awesome. He sounds like a secret agent in a British spy movie that often frequents Carnaby Street for fashion and justice.

RB: Bolu Olorunfunmi

This is the name that keeps on giving. It’s perfect for him. And from the perspective of a defender, “Olo-run-from-me” is not something you want to be tagged with. Heck, Bolu is going to be running from everyone this fall and straight into the hearts of Bruin fans.

WR: Xan Cuevas, Dymond Lee, Alex Van Dyke

A few months ago I instigated a small Twitter argument between a few UCLA Football players. Nothing bad, but it did bring up the subject of who had the coolest name on the team. My vote was for wide receiver Xan Cuevas, because it is hands down the coolest name on the UCLA Football team.

And what about Dymond Lee? This sounds like a stage name for a legendary rock ‘n’ roll guitarist. As for Alex Van Dyke, that is just a cool, clean, crisp name that everyone will soon know about.

TE: Jimmy Jaggers, Giovanni Gentosi

If Dymond Lee is the rock guitarist, then Jimmy Jaggers is the front man for this Bruin rock ‘n’ roll band. And what about Giovanni Gentosi? Well that’s Dr. Giovanni Gentosi, an Italian surgeon and lover of all things Maserati.

OL: Kolton Miller, Alex Akingbulu, Paco Perez, Sunny Odogwu, Jax Wacaser

I don’t care what he would be promoting (as long as it is not cigarettes), but Kolton Miller needs to do a commercial that ends with him saying, “Welcome to Kolton Country.”  And yes he needs to wear a cowboy hat.

Alex Akingbiulu, the millionaire with a heart of gold. He plays hard at night, but also gives back to the community… like Batman. Paco Perez’s name is an alliteration masterpiece.

With Odogwu, you’ll know it’s always Sunny in Westwood. As for Jax Wacaser, this sounds like a sweet name for a new marvel superhero that is half cyborg, half football player.

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DL: Chigozie Nnoruka, Jacob Tuioti-Mariner, Boss Tagaloa, Keisean Lucier-South

Meet Chigozie Nnoruka,  the 7-string bassist for the Bruin rock band. Then there is Jacob Tuioti-Mariner who has one of the best names on the team. It’s even cool to say “JTB”!

And what about Boss Tagaloa? His name is Boss! It does not get much cooler than that. And just like JTM, Keisean Lucier-South is sweet as a full name or abbreviated to “The KLS!”

LB: Breland Brandt, Krys Barnes, Mique Juarez

Breland Brandt, 4-star General and American hero! Krys Barnes completes the four-piece Bruin rock band as the drummer that rivals Neil Peart. And Mique, well, try getting this out of your head: “Hey Mique, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind, HEY MIQUE! HEY MIQUE!”

DB: Jaleel Wadood, Adarius Pickett, Octavius Spencer, DeChaun Holiday

Jaleel Wadood, future 1st team All-Pac-12 or future Academy Award winner? Imagine a movie trailer with the line, “…and starring, Jaleel Wadood!” It will happen, you think I’m playin’?

Adarius PICK-IT seems to be the perfect name for a player that had 3 interceptions last season. Expect more in 2017.

Can we just make Octavius Spencer the ruler of a modern Empire… or the very least, the defensive backfield? At least give him a cape to wear on the gridiron. And as for DeChaun Holiday, his name implies the life of superhero that strays from the group a bit, but still has a heart of gold, like Deadpool.

ST: JJ Molson, Johnny Den Bleyker

I mean, come on! Molson! As in Molson Brewing Company. Yes, he is related to the family that has built the Molson empire. It does not get much cooler than that. And how can we forget Johnny Den Bleyker? The player that had, in this writer’s opinion, the best name on the team last season. Of course he makes this list.

Go Joe Bruin’s UCLA Football All-Name MVP: Xan Cuevas

Next: The 30 Greatest UCLA Football Players of All-Time

Is there a Bruin with a super sweet name that we left out? Let us know by commenting below!