Go Joe Bruin Bracketology Week 3

Bracketology Hell

Welcome to the third iteration of this year’s Go Joe Bruin Bracketology. All projections are made by compiling data and using a formula to convert all of these numbers into a final score for each team.

This edition of the Go Joe Bruin Bracketology prepares to quantify just how far away a team is from being a certain seed, or simply just being the tournament. After splitting a home series against the Washington schools, this could be especially helpful for UCLA fans, as the Bruins remain firmly in tournament limbo. How low can they go before their bubble is burst?

This week was bracketology hell, plain and simple. I sat down to input all the updated data at 6 p.m. Then there’s a gap in my memory; all I know is I stayed in my room all night and forgot to eat dinner. By the time I had all the numbers I needed, it was 9:30. My eyes bloodshot, in too deep to stop, the painstaking process of inputting data for 130 teams was over.

I clicked the sort button, and to my horror, Kansas State was the last team in. Normally I listen to the formula, but I tweak it in accordance with common sense. So I toyed around with each calculation, looking for something to fix my purple problem. Instead, things got progressively worse.

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Through the Phog

Next thing I knew, it was past 10, and chaos had broken out in my spreadsheet. Valparaiso was an 8 seed. William & Mary was making a run at an at-large bid. Stony Brook had jumped UCLA. Stony Brook. Stony Brook sounds more like it belongs on a map in a Dora the Explorer episode than it does in a tournament bracket. I’m sure it’s right next to Tall Mountain.

And on top of all of this, I still wasn’t satisfied with who ended up on the right side of the bubble. And that’s when I realized my big issue–no one deserved those coveted last two spots. Kansas State, Butler, George Washington, Vanderbilt, Texas Tech; none of them had any business being in the Big Dance.

But then I remembered, that was the same thing everyone said about George Mason in 2006, and VCU in 2011. How could I forget Dickie V’s iconic rant?

"My wife knows diddly about basketball, but if you put her here and said ‘Look at Colorado’s résumé, look at UAB, and look at VCU’, it would be…a mismatch, man. It would be like a beauty contest: Roseanne Barr walkin’ in, versus Scarlett Johanssen; no shot. None whatsoever."

This week, it’s Roseanne’s turn to shine.

Next: The Formula