UCLA Football Recruiting: OL Nico Falah Doesn’t Know Who Gabrielle Union Is


In the hectic world of football recruiting — and even more hectic for UCLA football recruiting — a lot of key questions get ignored. Questions that are crucial to learning about the character of a top-tier recruit as well as learning about their work ethic and sense of judgment.

One question, especially, seems to evade those that cover UCLA recruiting: Which Bruin alum is hotter: Gabrielle Union or Heather Locklear in her prime?

The question is fair and leads us to a ton of insight about the recruit and it’s one that needs to be a staple in all interviews regarding prospective UCLA recruits.

So we asked it to prospective offensive lineman Nico Falah. For proof:

Great kid that he is, he responded to such a loaded, controversial question, and he did so damn cordially and strategically:

A couple things can be derived from this answer.

The first is that I’m old as hell. Growing up, Gabrielle Union was one of the finest women on this planet, and it wasn’t like she was some B-list star. She was in Bad Boys II, Bring it On, and a ton of other movies, including recent ones like “Think Like a Man.” Even today, that woman is freaking smoking.

The second is that Nico Falah doesn’t watch movies. This, in and of itself, means a few things. The most likely explanation is that he doesn’t mess around on his free-time and does more important things, like block some random dude in the street to work on his trenching skills. The other, way more unlikely, explanation is that he doesn’t watch film. Of course, nothing Gabrielle Union acts in has any real substance or is really very critically acclaimed (although we love all her movies), so just watching her for anything but her hotness is pointless.

Heather Locklear might be a bit more of an obscure figure these days, if only because she was the sexiest thing way back in the mid-1990s, and she’s still a freaking fox at the age of 50, but she, herself, hasn’t done much of anything since 2007.

Of course, Falah knows these questions gets analyzed, so it’s likely he answered in the most neutral way possible to avoid any speculation. Even then, though, no answer is, in and of itself, an answer.

This can only help his stock in the recruiting process, though. Falah played it smart, and we think it paid off. We like him, and he should come to UCLA as soon as possible because there are a ton of other hot women here.


(Ed. Note: If you take any of the analysis here seriously, you’re a dumb-ass.)