UCLA: 5 things that the Wooden Athletic Fund will give you for $100, probably

Uh-oh. It’s your turn, UCLA’s Wooden Athletic Fund.

Whenever the opportunity presents itself, we like to make fun of whomever we can, even if we really like them. It’s all part of the theme here at GJB — that we kind of just came up with seconds before writing this post — and we feel as if the Wooden Athletic Fund has set itself up.

Mind you, we dig UCLA and the Wooden Athletic Fund. But this was too easy. TOO. FREAKING. EASY.

So here are ten things, in addition to a worn, Nikola Dragovic practice jersey, that the Wooden Athletic Fund wants you to buy with $100, probably:

1. An honorary autographed basketball from the late Sam Gilbert

While there’s no real evidence that Sam Gilbert was all part of some crazy, elaborate scheme to pay off players during John Wooden’s years, it’s still a matter of debate.

But in true form, the Wooden Athletic Fund would have probably thought it’d be cool to give you a Sam Gilbert-signed basketball if you join for $100. Y’know, because he was once associated with UCLA.

2. Tyler Honeycutt’s clothes that were allegedly urinated on by Reeves Nelson

The appeal here is marvelous! I dare you to find another college basketball program — hell, any sports organization at all — that’s willing to give you swag from an athlete that was urinated on by another athlete!

It’s never been done before. In fact, $100 seems like a steal for this just because of its novelty.

(Plus, you can get the old urine tested to see if Reeves Nelson was on anything. Just for fun.)

3. Cade McNown’s old handicap parking pass. Signed, of course.

Credit where credit is due, first. H/T:

YES. Except I was thinking of the actual handicapped parking pass that McNown used to get those handicapped parking spots. It’s probably the perfect thing ever, and I would’ve gladly added another “0” to the required $100 donation. #SWAG.

4. A personalized, “[YOUR NAME HERE] IN THE LIBRARY!” video from Alexandra Wallace

We don’t know how this’ll happen, but it’s going to happen. Alexandra Wallace gained total infamy with her racist “ASIANS IN THE LIBRARY” rant. (Let’s be honest: She only got famous because she was a hot 20-something year old. If I did something dumb like this, everyone would be like, “yeah, OK dude, call me when you become a hot girl.)

I mean, a personalized video from one of the stupidest people that’s ever stepped foot on campus in its entire history? Sign me up! Not a lot of idiots pass through UCLA’s doors, and this one fell through the cracks. A real rarity, and if you didn’t jump on this, then I have no idea what’s wrong with you.

5. A marriage proposal from the guy who proposed at the Sports Arena and was embarrassed

This one’s a bit tricky. You have to almost make sure that the first person to pay $100 for this says “no” because then you’ll only have one new member.

But, perhaps this wouldn’t be too hard. I mean, he was already rejected by one girl. What woman would want to marry a guy that was rejected by some other woman in the first place?