Fake UCLA News: Tony Parker to announce his decision when he graduates college


(Ed. Note: In the spirit of being impatient in the most “where’s my news right now??!?!” period of American history, we decided to have fun with the status of soon-to-be UCLA Bruin, Tony Parker.)

In an announcement that surprised no one, basketball recruit Tony Parker has decided to delay his announcement once more.

On Thursday, Parker announced he would delay his decision until after he graduates from college. This comes after he delayed his announcement from Friday, April 20 to the following Monday.

“I haven’t decided on the top 10 schools yet,” said Parker, a 6’9” power forward/center. “All of these schools have a lot to offer so it’s hard to make a decision so soon.”

Parker has decided on giving each school what he called a “test run.” Over the next four years, Parker plans to attend all 22 of his prospective colleges.

“Yeah, I’ll transfer every quarter or semester so I can give all programs a chance,” said Parker.

Along the way, Parker hopes to earn his Bachelor’s Degree. He has yet to choose which school will be lucky enough to grant him his diploma in 2016.

Coach John Calipari, whose program at the University of Kentucky is not a finalist, is hopeful that he can change Tony’s mind.

“I’m sure he’ll give us a chance,” said Calipari. “If he does, we’ll take care of him really good. Really, really good.”

When asked what Calipari meant, the UK coach simply smirked and winked.

The first school Parker will visit has not yet been announced.

“Which school goes first is very important and it’s a crucial decision,” said Parker, when asked why he hadn’t made a decision on which school to attend first. “It’s going to be my first college experience, so I want to make sure there are no biases in my decision-making.”

That decision is expected to come next Monday, although Parker has said that he has yet to come up with a date.

UCLA is considered a finalist for Tony Parker, and Parker acknowledged the Bruins’ appeal.

“They have a lot of things going for them. Shabazz (Muhammad) and Kyle (Anderson) have been recruiting me hard,” said Parker. “They’ve singlehandedly made this process a lot longer than what I wanted it to be.”