Fake Dan Guerrero’s Gab from Gayley: A new, weekly UCLA Athletics feature

In the spirit of UCLA A.D. Dan Guerrero’s fabulous Word from Westwood blog, we present to you Gab from Gayley, done by the lovely Fake Dan Guerrero.

Fellow Bruins,

Now that UCLA Men’s Basketball has finished up a wildly-successful 2011-12 season with a thrilling loss to one of the top four teams in the Pac-12 conference, I’d like to extend my thanks to all those who attended any of our home games. We are very gracious that we were allowed to inhabit the wonderful and spacious Los Angeles Sports Arena in downtown L.A., next to our chief rival USC. It was an honor to be playing next to our fellow Angelinos at the University of Southern California. As such, we are proud to announce that we will share the gorgeous Galen Center with USC while Pauley Pavilion undergoes renovation through the 2016-17 season. It is a fantastic facility and we are certain that our fellow Bruins will be more than happy to share a home alongside fellow Los Angeles students.

I would like to thank all fans, students and alumni for leading us to a winning season for our Men’s Basketball squad. Although we have high expectations, we did not expect to finish an astonishing five games above .500. Despite the fact that our season ended rather abruptly with a loss to a program with such a rich history in Arizona, we are certain that several needles have been moved and three corners have been turned. I have absolute faith that Ben Howland will lead our Bruins to a drug-free and even-more-successful 2012-13 campaign. As a result of his recent success here at UCLA, I’m also proud to announce that Coach Ben Howland and I have agreed to a 10-year extension that will ensure he dies a Bruin. His three Final Four appearances five years back are proof that UCLA is the pickle of elite UCLA Men’s Basketball teams. We are proud that determined youngsters such as Josh Smith have led us to a season beyond our imaginable dreams.

UCLA baseball will play USC at Dodger Stadium on March 13

We are extremely honored that USC has allowed us to play them in yet another athletic event. This time, UCLA baseball will have the opportunity of playing fellow and beloved Angelinos at USC. USC is a worthy opponent and we have nothing but the utmost respect for the University of Southern California. Although the odds are against us, I am certain that we have a small chance of beating the Trojans.

F. Dan Guerrero’s Mailbag

My mailbag consists of randomly selected questions that are picked at random from a random e-mail address that all random questions get sent to. After, I randomly select questions that random UCLA fans are randomly burning to ask. Here are some of those random questions:

Hey Dan, love your work, and I’m a huge fan. My first question is this: I know all the turmoil around the Sports Illustrated’s article on Coach Howland’s style, but wouldn’t you say that many of these facts are disputable and do you honestly believe that Ben Howland was a “bully” to his students? Many UCLA basketball players don’t seem too phased to me, and I’m just wondering why you think this writer would compose such a scathing post without any real information. 

Benny H. Beverly Hills, CA

Thanks for the question, Benny! This is a real doozy.

I would say that the Sports Illustrated article is just that — an article. You bring up many compelling arguments, but I would say that this writer was just composing a scathing article without legitimate information. I have spoken to UCLA basketball players and investigated the UCLA basketball program extensively, and no one looks all that “bullied” to me.

Hi Dan. First off, let me say that you’ve done a fine job of running things around here. I haven’t seen the Morgan Center look so clean in years. Anyway, my question to you is, do you think Ben Howland should be dismissed as basketball coach? He seems like he’s done a great job before, so it only makes sense that he’s going to do a great job again. If you ask me, I would say that Ben is one of the premier college basketball coaches in the country. What do you think?

Benji H. Santa Monica, CA

Why would you ask that, Benji? Of course Ben Howland isn’t going to get fired. I’ve put so much of my love into Ben that it doesn’t even fit. Conversely, he’s put so much of his love into me, too, and all of it doesn’t fit in me either. I need Ben. I need him so much. He’s done a great job of running the UCLA basketball program and has returned it back to its winning ways with another winning season to wrap up the 2011-12 year. I would never fire Ben in a million years, so such a question is disturbing.

Dan, there’s been a lot of criticism mounting about your position. I think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that everyone expects more out of UCLA. I don’t understand why people aren’t looking at our records: We were 6-6 in football, one of the best records we have had in a good while, and we finished 19-14 in basketball, which is a winning record. Why do you think people are unfairly mounting all this criticism on you, and how do you respond to such baseless arguments?

Danilo G.

Thanks for the question, Danilo.

When you are at UCLA, a lot of people tend to think you can do better than what you are actually doing. I would say that a small part of the UCLA fan-base isn’t recognizing that we did, indeed, finish the regular season in Pac-12 football with a .500 record and that we did, indeed, finish basketball with an above-.500 mark. When you grow up to be one of the greatest men that ever lived, Danilo, you will find that people will always criticize you, but it is because they love you and want the best out of you. By that token, I have to say that I believe I’m the luckiest Athletic Director in the country!

Thanks to all my readers who asked questions. Please send your questions to: f.danguerrero@gmail.com.

GO BRUINS!

Fake Dan Guerrero,

Athletic Director of Athletic Direction of UCLA